There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
