For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize