Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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