I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
