She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
me + whiskey = a bad person
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize