Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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