the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
