I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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