I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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