When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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