I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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