Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
