how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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