Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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