Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
