How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
