Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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