Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
