...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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