i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
