WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
