i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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