Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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