I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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