I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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