the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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