Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My friends, they love my intelligence
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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