After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think i have herpe
just one?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
