her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
