Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
