my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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