so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
ttyl tear gas
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
