The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
