You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
