The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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