FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
