Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
