Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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