Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He did a backflip because drugs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
