Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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