ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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