Do you still have your period?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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