My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize