did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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