He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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