Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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