Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
