found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
