Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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