What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
