So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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