Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
