hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
