tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
