Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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