Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
