From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
