her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
