she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
