Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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