did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
