Porn is love you can see.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
